I think the line between laziness and being busy can become blurred. At least for me, as a mom, it seems to get that way.
I can say in all honesty, that I am not one who would be considered a "lazy mom", but OF COURSE I have my moments, days, weeks, or whatever, where I know I am not reaching my potential as a mom, let alone a woman.
That's why I find myself cringing when I yell out "hold on, I'm busy, I'll be there in a minute". Because, I am not busy. If I were being honest with my hubby or son, I'd really be like, "uggghh, hold ON, I'm busy being
lazy." But that doesn't necessarily fill anyone in my home with any sort of warm and fuzzy feeling.
What does being lazy accomplish? For me, it really accomplishes feeling guilt, regret and quite frankly, kinda fat sometimes. When I become lazy, I stop going to bed at a decent hour. I don't clean my kitchen at night. I don't go running in the early morning (or at all). I bitch and moan about cooking dinner, and I justify eating damn, Del Taco. My kids (family) eat less fruits and veggies, and more Pringles and Oreos.
It really all begins with me. Getting lazy.
I am not here to beat myself up on a public level, or even to say that I, or any other mom should never take a day to do nothing.
What I am saying is, for me, Crystal, when I become content with doing the bare minimum (keep my kids alive), it always has a deeper meaning. It's not usually because I am recovering from anything physically draining, but because I am avoiding hard things.
When I avoid doing the hard thing, I keep myself in this continual state of self-doubt, where I hold back on who I am and who I really want to become. It turns into an ugly cycle of negative self talk resulting in months of missed opportunities.
Gosh, this kind of sounds like depression, which I have experienced, and it is a very real thing. However, as much as I would LOVE to use a mental illness as my scapegoat today, I will choose to be real and call it what it is. Laziness. Mixed with fear of failure.
The whole point of all this comes down to this blog post. For months, and I mean like, almost a year, I have had this overwhelming feeling that I needed to start my blog. But because I am so good at talking myself out of new things, I put it off.
Month after month, I would be "busy" on Instagram, following links to other blogs, feeling this weird combination of jealousy and excitement, as I scanned through posts and photos. My head would constantly be saying "this is what you want, but you can't do this because x.y.z....but this could be you! There is no reason why it can't.". See how messed up the voices in my head are? They have like this love/hate thing going on.
Anyway, here I am, breaking out of my lazy cycle for the day, posting on my blog, because damn it, I am showing my subconscious mind, that I can write a blog. And that I can do it more than twice a year, because there are a couple of folks out there, who actually care and need to hear from me.
And maybe they also need to know that even though I look like this at almost 5 pm,
I am still chasing dreams, following through, proving myself wrong, and even wearing make-up (no bra, though) while doing it!!
So, who freaking cares if I or you, were lazy-ish or super-mega lazy today. The beauty of this life we live, is we can restart our day or try again tomorrow, with a fresh start. Don't let today ruin your day hopes for tomorrow.
